so it will always be in your head.
Cancer, that is. Or really, more specifically, Mortality.
A cough, a cold, flu or just extreme exhaustion makes one question. Is it back?
It's been almost 3 years with a clean bill of health for H. A fabulous milestone worthy of HUGE daily celebration. But the harsh reality is 3 years ago changed me, us, all of us, forever. I stopped worrying on a daily (hourly) basis a long time ago. But I still think of it often. In many ways, it changed me forever and I will always reel a bit from it. But I was a bit off-center to begin with...maybe this helps straighten me out?
The bottomline is that when H is off or not right, my inner-alarm goes off. Remember, he was "just tired" when I forced him to go get that blood test. The one that saved his life.
The other night he was wiped-out. I straight out asked him ... "Are you flu tired, exhausted tired or leukemia tired?" I said it. The L word. Had to -- 110% of our relationship is about communication even when not desirable. I'm proud of that. He said it was not leukemia tired. He slept almost 11 hours and felt human again in the morning.
Mortality. Hmm. The kids, on the other hand, embrace their immortality. And I'm stuck in the middle. Fearing most yet surviving all of it. Maybe I'm the eye of the tornado? Safe haven in a midst of total chaos? Maybe. Not sure. Will let you know if I ever figure that one out. In the mean time, happy new year - I'm going to try and be a better blogger in the new year.
Some things are worth remembering. Other things are for Facebook. :)
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