A Mom Thing

Ma'am or Kiddo?

I don't know about you ... but for me...it's a RARE moment when I like to be called either of these.

I'm 40.  I'm not a kid.  And I prefer not to think of myself as a ma'am. Its not an age-thing.  Just a thing.

Unless spoken by someone at either end of the age spectrum, I find either moniker simply uncomfortable. 

Other options I'd prefer? How about:

• Hey lady'
• Hot stuff
• Good lookin'
• (Name's) mom
• Honey
• Sweetie
• Sugar
• Beautiful

Really, I'm not picky...

OK. I confess, I'm a Can Opener Snob.

I lost my good can opener.  I loved this can opener. Pretty sure it was OXO.  It may have even been a wedding present. All I know is it was life-changing for this overly impatient woman. It opened cans in a single smooth swoop. No cuts, no snags, no false starts and no worries.  Well, not anymore. Life as we knew it in the kitchen has forever changed.

Too stubborn to buy another, I am stuck with this one...

I really dislike this can opener. I am willing to bet every single household has one inherited from Aunt Hazel. It's SUPPOSED to be the backup can opener. The understudy or picnic can opener.  NOT THE LEADING LADY.  WHY NOT? Because it simply is not worthy. It snags, starts and stops in fits ... and I ALWAYS have a hard time finding its camoflauged self in the silverware drawer.

Is it NORMAL to only have one can opener?  And I'm a can user!?  I eat tuna ALL THE TIME...and am hooked on the Tex Mex Chicken.  Shoot, I even do recipes with only cans (the white or black bean chicken chili/soup).  I honestly get a little nervous when I can't find the can opener and I have my heart set on a certain recipe.  Twisted, I know...

Guess I know what Santa can put in my stocking this year, eh?

Abductions, strangers and creeps, oh my...

So I guess as the weather gets cold, the creeps come out with the rodents (another post, another time).  We've had a lot of issues lately in our neighborhood -- the moms listserve has been VERY busy.  Several attempted kid snatchings and one attempted petite-mom snatching.  A white MPV minivan has even been identified ... and one of the guys (there are two?) has been seen parked outside the schools sitting in it NAKED from the bottom down.  Wow.  Sketches have been passed around ... will be posted. Everyone is on high-alert.

This mornings listserve email recommended a video -- the safe side superchick.  About three or four moms had endorsed it (and it's only a bit after 6 am now - hello, mom-hours!).  I just ordered it from Amazon for 9 bucks (I order everything from Amazon).

We talked (H and I) with Daughter last night.  Growing up in the city, we've been VERY conscious about safety zones, strangers, etc.  Sometimes I think of myself as the total buzzkill mom.  We still hold hands crossing streets and alleys!

That said, I wasn't so sure that we'd ever really clarified that IF someone gets you, you FIGHT and SCREAM and BITE and PINCH and KICK like HELL.  You do EVERYTHING you're not typically allowed to do to your brothers and then some. You make a holy racket.  Her eyes widened but she seemed to understand.  I felt better just having talked about.  Whew -- and I thought the birds and the bees convo was stressful??  Will let you know how the video is...

Homeless? Maybe. Hungry? Apparently Not.

Ok. So. I had a crazy day yesterday.  Just one of those days.

I raced to Dominick's before kid-pickup.  It was Little Guy's last full day of pre-school and I wanted to take them out for a celebration at the Diner.  So I ran to the store to get eggs and milk.

I raced through the store in my typical tornado-style. I got eggs, milk, a case of generic club soda, a cooked turkey breast and some turkey pastrami.  Oh and Granola Bars.  We go through GBs like CRAZY.

Outside was an apparently homeless woman. She was right by the cart stand.  Crouched and smoking a cigarette.  She asked me for 50 cents. I don't usually give money.  I prefer to give food. Whatever I have.  A granola bar is usually my food of choice bc they can put it in their pocket and eat it whenever. I figure it's a sugar/carb boost.

So, even though I was in a hurry to get the kids. I HAD just bought granola bars.  I said, I can't give you money but if you're hungry, you can have a granola bar...and I started opening the box. 

She LASHES out at me.  She says (use your most foul imagination here):  You &*^%$# %$$#.  I don't WANT your %$#%^ granola bar.  Shove your *&^%!!! food up your #$%&^*. 

My jaw dropped to the floor and I turned beet red. I was shook up. What???  I gathered my things, mumbling, "I guess you're not hungry."

She responds with another string of personal attacks and obscenities. LOUD. LOUD. LOUD.

OOF.  Like I needed this?  I gather my stuff, looking like a slapped dog and shuffle to my car. SHOCKED and suddenly saddened by the whole experience.

I guess I shouldn't assume she's hungry.  But I really was just trying to be nice. No good deed goes unpunished.

Don't you hate it when...

When you find a big "log" in the toilet unflushed?

And hate it even more when you realize as you're flushing it that there was no toilet paper in there to accompany it?

ICK.  Will save you the photo, folks. Merry Merry.

Ooops, they did it again...