A Mom Thing

Uh-oh...

Losin my touch - just a little wee teeny tiny bit.  My incredible ability to multi-task. My uncanny knack at doing MANY things at once ... and doing them quickly, quietly ... and well, WELL!

The ability to quickthink on my feet, change direction as needed, problemsolve and multi-task -- all at once.  It's a little bit like mental tennis.  To be able to be on blackberry...and making 2 peanut butter and nutella sandwiches...and doing one kick-ass powerpoint presentation ... and wiping a nose...and...making soup and...putting on mascara, painting my nails, doing jumping jacks and ...well, you get my point.  It's life. My life. As I know it.  Um, Uh, Yeah. Well, Not right now.

And all I can think of is, "Isn't this part of what makes me, me?" 

As I search inside to define the feeling (because much to H's amazement, that is what I do), I can only remember anything remotely like this one other time in life -- when I first had a baby. (Only on the first baby, mind you.) I was so completely overwhelmed.  Like thoroughly in the unknown.  I remember the realization that it no longer was all about me or my needs ... at all. That I couldn't just make cookies, make dinner, or even go to the bathroom without being interrupted by someone else.  It was mind-numbing.  I remember thinking as I tried to (painfully) nurse - didn't I JUST FEED YOU?  HOW CAN YOU BE HUNGRY AGAIN? I remember being so emotional, so happy and so, so tired.

That's kinda' what I'm feeling now.  So happy and so tired.  And not the kind of tired that sleep can fix. At least I don't think so?

So. Let's see. This morning I left eggs hard-cooking on the stove.  8 of them in a pot of water, simmering. Dropped kids off at school, went to work ... I remembered 2 hours later and quickly called my dad to go see if the house had burned down.  All I could think of was Lucy/DOG there in her crate.  (NOTE: There was still 1/2 inch of water left...but yes, I had left them on.)  Scary.  (Even scarier is the distict memory of putting them on to cook this morning and thinking, "I'm goooood. Don't even need the eggs right now...Will want them later. If I make them now, I'm a step-ahead. I'm gooooood.  So goooood.")

When I came home tonight I found a (full) sippy cup in the microwave (sorry Little Guy).

That was it for today ... (I think? )

My groove is basically back. I'm fundamentally fine.  Obviously OK.  And so so relieved to have my home back -- it was just a house without H...now it's a home again.  But the effects linger.  Or simmer (hey, the eggs lasted, I will, too.) Maybe it just takes awhile to get balance again. Maybe I need to really figure out what the new normal is now.  Time to redefine again.  Maybe.  All I can say is that I feel inextricably, undeniably pulled right now. I don't honestly know if it's INTO the vortex or OUT OF the vortex.  But I think. No, I know...I need to just go with the flow and believe "Everything's Gonna Be Alright."   I will figure out "What's Next" ... I always do!

Uber Tired or Tired of Being Uber?

(Have you ever noticed how much a "yawn" looks like a scream?  Hmm. Interesting...)

I feel so strongly that this is the first in a long series that I'm starting a new category ... the "tired" thing. 

Why is it that it seems everyone I know is TIRED?  Seriously, deeply tired.  Not just sleepy tired ... but bone-weary, mind-numbing UBER TI-RED?

Is it that we're just getting old? Is it that we're doing too much too much of the time? Is it that we are UBER TIRED or is it that we're tired of being UBER? Is it that we don't know how to rest, relax or really sleep and recharge?  Is it the economy? Is it not enough caffeine or too much caffeine? Is it our constant quest for more, different and other?  Is it that when our brains should be on PAUSE, we are on blackberry? When we're supposed to just be waiting IN line, we're all Online, reading email, researching, surfing?  Are we really tired or do we just think we are?  And if we are so tired what does that mean for our kids? Will they be even MORE tired than we are?  When does it stop? When do we rest? How do you stop the madness?

So many women I know are dealing with this.  In fact, I think I can say that Fatigue (with a capital F, please) seems to be the great leveler.  Whether you stay at home or work in an office or whatever...everyone is ti-red. Everyone seems stuffed with the big bite of life, just struggling to swallow.  WHY IS THIS? And more importantly, how do you fix it?  Is the answer to slow down? Get help? Say NO? Care less? That doesn't sound very American-Way...I'll let you know when I figure it out though...