I was literally struck by an article in the March issue of O Magazine (one of my favorite publications!). It interviews several high-top-box-level-executive women. And looks into how they got there; and if they have regrets about saying "no" to opportunities; or (on the flip side) about never saying "no" to opportunities. The author says, "When someone says yes all the time, she tends to find that doors open, and that the elevator is usually going up." Then adds, "She also tends to find, in due time, that she's exhausted, or at least torn in too many directions -- between work, family, friends, and all the messy rest of it." Ahhh, yes. This is SUCH a personally interesting topic to me.
Rewind: I started my career in the late 80's/early 90's. I had to beg, plead and promise for an entry level, barely-enough-to-pay-the-rent job in my chosen field (PR). Once I finally got one, I was so happy to have it. I worked cra-zy hours (think 70-80+) and tried to earn overtime whenever I could. Any new opportunity or experience I would GRAB at it. I begrudgingly (but with a smile) did the menial tasks as fast as I could so that I would have time to prove to anyone looking that I had a brain worth using. And so I climbed. Like a gorilla in the jungle, I swept across from branch to branch. Never stop moving was my mantra. I worked hard. I played hard. The lines were blurry so all was good.
Then one day, decades later, I started to slow down. It's not so much that I said, "No." but I was more efficient. I had more experience, more confidence. All that early swinging through the jungle had built mental muscle worth something! I could do in 10 minutes what used to take 3 hours. I had MUCH more responsibility at home (hello, second job) and needed to streamline just to make it work. And work it did. For me, at least. I found I had suddenly (but really not so suddenly) EARNED the right to say "maybe later." I had EARNED the right to delegate and mentor and teach and choose what I wanted to do. And it worked for me.
Since then I have passed up top-box jobs -- but it was by choice. My choice. I WANTED more time with the kids. I WANTED to cook the food in our home. I WANTED to do the errands and take the kids to the doctors. To read the books and help with homework and answer the questions. I made a conscious decision that I would rather delegate at work than at home. And the beauty is that it was my choice - because I earned it. Some would probably say I'm the "poster-mama" for work-life balance. I work 3/5ths time at work and 5/5ths time at home. A part of my work-job is actually to help mentor others on balance. The stark reality is that if you can make it work -- everyone wins. Every-one.
So. Here's my quick take on it:
- You don't get to the top by saying "No."
- You MIGHT get near the top by saying "YES, absolutely" for many years and THEN sprinkling in a few "No, thank you, maybe laters"
- You need to earn the right to say No.
- You need to decide what balance you want and you (and only you) need to make it work.
- Whatever you decide, no regrets allowed, so Go For It!
